Conquering Embarrassment while Living with a Disability

Hello, Jhana’s supporters! It’s your disability advocate and writer, Jhana. I hope you’re all doing well. 

In this article, I want to talk about the embarrassment of having a disability when you’re around your family and how you can cope with that embarrassment. 

Understanding the Embarrassment of a Disability

Embarrassment can stem from a lot of sources when you live with a disability. Social stigma and misconception can play a role, leading individuals to feel self-conscious or ashamed of how their disability affects them. These feelings are a natural response but don’t make you less of a person.

On Saturday, I went to my nephew's second birthday party. Everything went great, and I had a great time with my family. I loved seeing my nephew smile, which brought me lots of joy. 

Finally, it was time to go home. My brother and sister-in-law drove up and waited for Rob and me. As I walked down the stairs, my little sister helped me because I had a tough time. I felt light-headed as I hit the last step. It was really hot, and I was sweating badly. 

Then, I needed help getting in our van. I tried every way to get in. First, I tried stepping up to the van. Then, I tried scooting my butt up to the seat. I even tried to put my knees on the van’s floor to lift myself to the seat, but nothing worked. After 10 minutes of sitting on the van floor, Rob helped me walk to the curb. I was still dizzy and had difficulty walking, so my brother and Rob were helping me walk towards the van, ensuring I made it inside before we left. My brother turned the AC directly towards me so I could cool down. That worked a bit, but I still felt dizzy when we got home. 

Your disability can contribute to embarrassment if you don’t accept your faults and don’t think positively. But if you understand your difficulties, you won’t feel embarrassed about what you can’t control. 

Building Confidence Through Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is an excellent step in building confidence and not feeling embarrassed when unforeseen circumstances happen. Accepting your disability for what it is can be empowering. My other half often says to me, “Your disability is not who you are; you make who you are.” This goes to say that you should acknowledge your strengths even though you have a challenging disability day. That's just it: It’s just another day that your disability has a bad moment. Like many say, “I’m having a bad Spina Bifida day.” 

You should practice self-worth by being positive about your disability. It’s also a good idea to cultivate flattering self-talk so you can embrace your unique qualities. Another thing worth doing is practicing self-confidence as often as you can. This shift in mindset can improve how you look at yourself and help you respond to challenging days more effectively. 

Practical Tips for Handling Awkward Situations

It’s nearly impossible to avoid awkward situations. So, arming yourself with helpful strategies might be beneficial. For example, you can practice responding to others when you have embarrassing moments. This can reduce anxiety and help you be comfortable with your interactions. 

You can also use humor as a way to cope with embarrassing moments. It’s okay to make light of an awkward situation and set boundaries. That way, you can let others know what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t.

Leveraging support Systems and Resources

Support systems like friends, family, and disability advocacy groups are crucial. They help support you emotionally, giving you a shoulder to lean on. Personally, I don’t ask for help because I usually get easily embarrassed. So, I’m still working on it myself.

There are so many other resources you should also take advantage of. These include support groups and online communities, among others. These resources can guide you and introduce you to others who share your difficulties. 

Celebrating Personal Milestones and Growth

You should celebrate your achievements, no matter how big or small, as it leads to a more positive outlook on life. You should applaud your progress even if no one else does. 

Lastly, acknowledging your growth can boost your self-esteem and motivate you to strive for your desired goals. Every milestone is an opportunity to try harder, so keep being determined.

Via Image Pexels

Overcoming Obstacles: Finding Love with a Disability

Hello, Jhana’s Supporters! It’s your writer and disability advocate Jhana back with another article. I will try to write and upload an article once a week. I will publish my articles every Thursday at 10 AM or 1 PM HST and write my articles on the weekends. The reason behind this change is that I’m usually busy with school on weekdays and don’t have enough time to write. Coming up with a title is easy, but the actual writing is hard. This is why I’ve also decided to look for content on HubSpot as a guide and rewrite it to make it my own. I hope that will help me with writing inspiration every week.

Today I want to talk about how you can overcome obstacles while finding love with a disability.

Challenges of Dating with a Disability 

Dating is always challenging, but it can be even more complicated for those with a disability. Having a physical disability has its own challenges. For example, you might not feel like being sexually active or you might feel insecure because of your physical appearance while being sexually active. Individuals with disabilities often face a lot of stereotypes and discrimination that can change their dating experiences. The fear that you might be discriminated against because of your disability can stymie your willingness to open up to potential partners. There’s also the issue of actually telling your partner about your disability and when it’s the right time to do it. It takes courage to tell your partner about your disability. It’s also the one with a disability who will need to educate their partner about their struggles. 

Building Confidence and Self-Esteem while Dating with a Disability

Developing confidence and self-esteem takes time and practice, especially when you are in a relationship with someone who has a physical disability. Focusing on self-worth involves strength and understanding that love has no limitations. That is what I am learning in my relationship.

My other half told me he doesn’t care about physical appearance but inner beauty instead. He said, “Yes, women can have beautiful faces, but if their hearts don’t match that, they are really ugly.” For a while, I did not get what that meant. But now I realize he meant this: “A face can change and be wrinkly, but a beautiful heart will always remain the same.” So, it’s about embracing a disability.

Another thing I’ve learned is how beneficial couple’s counseling can be for a growing relationship. It fosters communication and understanding of each other's needs and desires. Additionally, self-assurance and self-advocacy are crucial in a relationship ― expressing your needs and desires will help your relationship grow stronger. That said, if you communicate well with your partner, you will learn about them. This will also allow you to set healthy boundaries. Here is an example: For years, my other half and I surrounded ourselves with people who only cared about what he wanted. People would always ask me how Rob was and not how I was. 

One time in church, another woman once tried to take him away from me because of my physical disability. She used to flirt with him and follow him around like a lost puppy. One time, this girl stuck her ass in Rob's face when he was trying to eat lunch. I did nothing. Neither did he. He used to flirt with her too sometimes. It was about how he looked at her and the way she behaved. She was beautiful and thin with two children. But she had a husband, which made this whole thing worse.

We were always fighting about her. I was jealous, and it showed. I didn’t see it then, but my whole attitude changed. I kept having panic attacks and always felt like he shouldn’t be with me because I have a physical disability while he has an invisible disability.

When COVID-19 hit and after two years of putting up with that, Rob and I decided to save our relationship. I tried talking to the pastor, but he said I was exaggerating. So, we stopped going to church. We left and haven’t looked back. 

Discriminating against someone with a disability doesn’t only include verbal insults. Discriminating against someone can be silent, like walking away when someone with a disability tries to sit by you, flirting with a person because their partner has a disability, or giving you a bad stink eye for no reason.

The Role of Communication and Honesty in a Relationship

During that time, I kept my anger inside. I fought with Rob all through church, and after a while, everyone noticed. I couldn’t keep my feelings hidden anymore. Being in that environment was toxic for my relationship. That was when I found out how helpful couple’s counseling is, and I encourage everyone in a committed relationship to seek help if they want or need to. A civil conversation will help your relationship grow, and you will understand what you and your partner want. 

Additionally, the resources I’ve mentioned will help you better understand your relationship. You should find someone who will always listen to you without judgment. Besides couple’s counseling, individual counseling can also be beneficial. That way, you can each work on your feelings on your own terms. If you feel comfortable, support groups are also an option. Personally, my fiancé and I don’t go to support groups, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them; they’re just not for us. 

At the end of the day, noticing one's faults can empower individuals with disabilities to overcome barriers and have a better relationship with their partner.

Image via Pexels

Breaking Barriers: Our Journey of Unconditional Love and Disabilities

Hello, Jhana’s Supporters! It’s your writer and disability advocate Jhana. I’m sorry for posting so rarely recently. To be honest, I’ve been having writer’s block. Unfortunately, it’s very common for writers and other creative people.

Now that I’m getting back into the writing groove, I will try to post articles once a week. I am still in school and graduate with a BFA in Creative Writing next April, so studying takes the bulk of my time. Luckily, time flies, so the quicker this year goes, the faster I’ll graduate. Now, let's get into today's blog. 

Today, I want to talk about what it’s like living with a disability and being in a relationship. Each person has different opinions about their disability and being in a relationship. So, I want to be clear that I’m talking about my relationship with my other half. Generalizing would be unfair to others with disabilities who surely have different experiences.

Having a relationship of any kind can be challenging. But having a relationship when you have a disability comes with its own struggles. It can be you who lives with a disability, your partner, or both of you. But in this case, I will talk about having a relationship when you both have a disability. 

Physical Disability vs Invisible Disability

First, let’s start with defining the difference between physical disabilities and invisible disabilities. 

Physical disabilities limit a person’s ability to do things like walk, talk, hike, climb the stairs, carry items, and lift things. A person with a physical disability may also have learning disabilities, which means they might need to be taught in a different way than everyone else. Their thought process is a little slower than others. 

Invisible disabilities, also known as non-apparent or hidden disabilities, aren’t visible to the naked eye. These are physical, mental, or neurological conditions that you can’t really see. Someone with hidden disabilities can have trouble moving, speaking, and walking, but the full extent of their disabilities often goes unnoticed.

Both are very valid disabilities. Unfortunately, our society only views physical disabilities as more worthy of our support and attention. Many people consider these to be more “believable” than invisible disabilities. 

True Love vs Unconditional Love

When discussing disabilities in relationships, it’s also important to differentiate between true love and unconditional love.

True love means loving someone regardless of physical intimacy. It can also mean understanding your partner’s wants and needs. Unconditional love, however, means loving someone with no limitations. 

My fiancé and I met on Facebook. He was living in Massachusetts, while I was in Hawai’i. When I told him about my disability, he immediately looked it up. I was worried that he would want nothing to do with me after learning details about my disability. Boy was I wrong. Some people told him he shouldn’t come to Hawai’i to be with me because he wouldn’t know how to handle my spina bifida. They thought he would have to take care of me like a doctor cares for patients. But that’s what unconditional love means: loving someone regardless of their disabilities. He came to Hawai’i four months later. It’s been 6 years since. 

How people treat me and my fiancè 

Because I have physical disabilities and my fiancè has a mental, or an invisible or hidden, disability, they don’t think we should be together. Most people who look at him don’t believe he has any disability because of how good-looking he is. He’s also able to do more things than I can with my physical disabilities.  

People have tried to break us up before, telling him about other girls without any disabilities. But he does not listen. He is the first guy who sees the real me and does not look at me any differently. When he looks at me, he sees the real me instead of pitting me. And that is a great thing to have. 

So, I want to give you a little piece of advice today: You are allowed to be happy with someone regardless of your disability. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-romantic-couple-on-the-beach-7699052/