Why does Thanksgiving mean so much to me now, compared to when I was a teenager?

I thought it would be a good idea to consider why Thanksgiving means so much to me now that it's getting closer than it did when I was a teenager. Now let's begin writing on this blog. 

Cooking the Thanksgiving meal

My brother, my grandmother, and I used to spend Thanksgiving with either my uncle or my aunt when we were kids. There was always a ton of food at large family get-togethers hosted by my uncle and his relatives and friends. In order to help, we were always the first to arrive early. The majority of the Thanksgiving meal was prepared by my aunt (via marriage), and my uncle was holding a beer nearly like a drug. My aunt asked me to peel the potatoes so she could prepare mashed potatoes because I had nothing else to do. Mashed potatoes used to be, and still are, my favorite food.

Anyway, my aunt had a table of food once the Thanksgiving dinner was finished cooking. Along with turkey, ham, deviled eggs, biscuits and gravy, sweet potatoes, yams, mashed potatoes, and much more. 

Thanksgiving meal

When it was time to eat, I saw how much food was on the table. Before we ate, we said Grace. People were waiting in line to fix their plates. I let everyone pass me, like I normally do, and hoped there wouldn't be any more food. "Go eat," my uncle said as he turned to face me. However, I dismissed the words as insignificant. I was starving and did not want to eat. I've always wanted to starve to death. But I started fixing a plate for myself because my uncle and cousin were watching me. I didn't make enough food on my plate to satisfy my hunger, so I just prepared little pieces. "Is that all you're going to eat?" my cousin asked as I turned to leave after finishing. Since it constantly seemed like I was squeaky, I didn't really trust my voice, so I nodded my head. I just ate three tiny pieces of turkey and a small amount of mashed potato that were on my plate.  My Aunty always gave us a ton of food to take home with us when we went home. I always grabbed what was offered to me when I was by myself at home, and I would binge eat until my stomach hurt. I spent several years starving and binge eating. 

My Aunty gave up and made my food every year. I knew exactly how to get it into the garbage, of course. I basically only ate ice cream and pumpkin pie. However, I took my time eating it—I nursed my pie and ice cream. I suffered from an eating disorder my entire adolescence because I was too scared to put on weight. However, I did not receive an eating disorder diagnosis. I believe I have an eating issue known as restrictive or avoidant eating. Additionally, I believe I had undetected anorexia. Thanksgiving did not stop my eating disorder, but that is another story that I will tell in a later blog post. 

Giving thanks as an adult

I also had an eating disorder when I was with my ex when I was 19 years old, and I gradually lost weight. My then-boyfriend prepared Thanksgiving dinner, but I didn't eat much of it because it was so overcooked and dry. We didn't receive meals from the Salvation Army until 2017 due to an inadvertent mix-up. He didn't buy a turkey to cook, and they didn't give us anything either. I accepted my friend's invitation to eat with her and her family that morning. I had a proper Thanksgiving dinner for the first time that year. Eating turkey that wasn't dry felt good. The guy I was with got offered to join us for Thanksgiving dinner, but he declined. However, that was the first time I had eaten and not gone without food. 

My internet boyfriend came to Hawaii two months later. That Thanksgiving, we were invited to someone's house despite being homeless. Then we had Thanksgiving supper, served by someone. It was my second year eating a good supper without going hungry. Then we moved into our apartment a year later. I eventually felt at ease consuming Thanksgiving food. I've eaten Thanksgiving dinner without going hungry for the past four years. 

Why does Thanksgiving mean so much to me now?

Even though I'm over 30, I still battle with eating disorders, although not as much as I used to. As an adult, I'm starting to understand the significance of Thanksgiving. Giving thanks for what we have rather than what we lack is more important than just the meal. I was not grateful for what I had. I had Thanksgiving dinner, even though most people don't. I was conceited and didn't show gratitude for what I had, preferring to dwell on my shortcomings. I'd like to wish everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving a good Thanksgiving before I wrap up my blog. And never forget to express gratitude to everyone who is extremely important to you. I'm relieved that I no longer starve myself, and Thanksgiving has become one of my favorite occasions. I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving, and don't forget to check out my posts, which are posted every Thursday and Saturday. I'm going to recreate my old blog posts.